One day I shall be dead, and then I shall be at peace. Until then, I have little choice but to be who I must be, and say what I must say.
My wife suggests I put too much of myself into my blog; she's right, of course. Isn't that the point? But this does affect me from time to time. I do not see myself as a troubled soul (although one might justifiably do so): I spend so much of my time in a state of contentment, focusing on the times when I am otherwise seems monstrously impolite to those who live in a harsher world than I.
Like a Chinese finger trap, the less one struggles, the easier it becomes. That was Buddha's view as well. Only when the depression or the anxiety overwhelm me do I falter, and thankfully I have essentially vanquished the former and fought the latter to the point where it has at least become manageable. I hope I can help others with their own peculiar trials. That was also Buddha's view.
This blog must inevitably end. Perhaps it will end with my death. Perhaps it will end because I acquire too many subscribers and can no longer handle the comments. Perhaps attempts to foresee the causes of its end are futile, as life sweeps us along in its involuted currents irrespective of our attempts to anticipate the contingencies.
One day I shall be dead, and then I shall be at peace. Until then, I must speak my mind. I hope that you will gain something, no matter how insignificant, from sharing in this adventure.